Things I Forgot about Newborns

1. It’s nearly impossible to put one of those stretchy hospital-issued baby hats with one hand. That’s one of the main reasons why you need to have someone help out with the new baby. The hat thing is definitely a two-man job.

2. Where toddler poop is discernible through smell, infant poo is audible.

3. Much time is spent deconstructing the newborn face. To wit: There’s consensus that Paige has Mark’s cleft chin, and Kate’s ears (which have a little heart-shaped notch). Thus far no features have been attributed to me–unless people are comparing the fat folds in our thighs behind my back.

4. Baby poop smells like butterscotch.