What’s *Your* Husband Doing Right Now?

Posted: September 4th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Husbandry | 3 Comments »

Mine is shaving his legs.

Sure, cyclocross season starts on Saturday. Something he’s been training for, obsessing over, reading and blogging about since, well, since I was too pregnant with Paigey to even remember what my own legs looked like. (And trust me, it was better that way.)

Call me naive about the nuances of bike racing–and you’d be absolutely correct–but I was under the impression that the leg-shaving thing had to do with reducing wind resistance of some sort. I mean, he’s got a fairly bushy gam, but how much could that really slow him down? Turns out that the leg shaving has nothing to do with speed. It’s just that the other boys who race prefer soft smooth legs. No, actually it’s because it makes tending to injuries easier when there’s no nasty leg hair messed up in the carnage. Ew!

It also makes his legs look much sleeker in his new denim skort.

Of course, I have to make this all about me. I mean, first I have to deal with his having a better butt than mine. Now he’s practicing more diligence in the depilatory arts too.

Add this to the shame I suffered several months ago at the dry cleaner. I brought in some of Mark’s shirts and the nice Chinese woman pulled them over to her side of the counter, lifted one of the collars up to her face for a closer look, then grimly tore off a piece of green masking tape and stuck it next to the the ring of make-up encircling the collar. No, it wasn’t mine, or thankfully another woman’s. It was Mark’s make-up. Residue left-over from one of his TV appearances. (Yes, my husband has his own MAC pressed powder.)

I thought about trying to explain it to the woman, but then decided to just let it be. I could tell she was already silently judging me, pitying me. Whatever I would have said was bound to sound pathetic and defensive. “No, no! My husband doesn’t wear make-up! It’s really not what it looks like. I can explain.”

Ah well. Let her think what she will. Just wait ’til I bring in some of his pants with a blood stain from where he nicked his leg shaving.


3 Comments on “What’s *Your* Husband Doing Right Now?”

  1. 1 Ingrid said at 6:31 am on September 5th, 2008:

    I love the way you write! You should write a book…you’re so funny!

  2. 2 Mark said at 1:33 pm on September 5th, 2008:

    I’ll have you know that last night is the first time I’ve ever shaved my legs without suffering a cut.

  3. 3 Nell said at 2:59 am on September 6th, 2008:

    I agree with Ingrid…when’s the book of collected essays coming out? :)

Leave a Reply