50 Shades of Gray

Posted: May 15th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Babies, Friends and Strangers, Husbandry, Mama Posse, Moods, Other Mothers, Parenting | 3 Comments »

My mama friends are all hot and bothered these days. There’s a stirring, a yearning in our loins that we haven’t felt for—well, for some of us—years.

And it’s all because of a gorgeous guy named Gray.

Well, his full name is actually Graham. Gray is his nickname. And when I say guy, I mean a little guy. As in, just 13 weeks old.

Yes, after all the women in our “Housewives of Alameda County” klatch had finished their baby makin’, my friend Alexa decided to go one further. She’d been feeling like two kiddos didn’t make her family complete, so this February she popped out another adorable bundle of joy.

Now the rest of us have long ago said farewell to our Diaper Genies. We’ve disassembled our changing tables and cribs, and haven’t pureed anything other than margaritas in our blenders for years. And naps are something the adults in our houses take now, not the kids.

But whether we thought our friend’s pregnancy announcement last summer was madness or genius, it’s clear where we all stand now. We are desperately over-the-top in love with that baby.

Mary, the photographer, has her iPhone camera in his grill 24×7. (And her big girl camera some of the time too.)

Megan seems ready to take on wet nurse duties if necessary. And she’s totally tuned into all Gray’s little signals, patterns, and preferences.

“Thump his butt,” she schooled me as I bouncy-walked him around the pool the other day. “He likes that—it helps him settle down.”

“Oh the football hold,” she’ll purr gazing down on him. “That’s your favorite, right Gray?”

Of course, our husbands find our baby lust entertaining. “Enjoy him all you want, ladies,” one of the guys said recently while chuckling. “But our factories have been closed for business. Ain’t no more babies being born ’round here.”

Which is actually totally true. [Sniff!]

I mean, you know you’re middle-aged when the guys at a barbeque stand around the grill talking about who did their vasectomies, and what sporting events they planned their recoveries around. As hands-on dads, there’s no better excuse for tuning into a long day of the Masters Golf Tournament or March Madness than having to ice your gonads with a sack of frozen peas.

Ah, good times.

But do we love Gray so much because our own baby eras are over? (At least until we pester our kids for grandchildren.) Well, that makes our front-row access to him all the more delicious, for sure. But he’s also just such a little sweetie. Those newborn-blue eyes! And that one silly Smurfy hat he wears! Oh my God and when he smiles at you. And now? He’s babbling. I’d somehow forgotten all about the babbling. It’s ADORABLE.

Hell, I could go on like this all day.

At Target yesterday I found myself marveling at these wee little surfer-boy shirts. And then—oh look!—tiny board shorts with skulls on them you can fit a diaper under. They say that girls get all the cute clothes but there are some darling boy duds too I think as I wander deeper into the baby department.

I wonder if Alexa needs anything for Gray this summer…

A screaming toddler pierces my reverie. I come to, take a sip of chai, and redirect my shopping cart to the dish soap aisle.

I clearly need to get back to that smutty S&M novel I’m reading, and get my mind off of sweet, beautiful little babies.


3 Comments on “50 Shades of Gray”

  1. 1 Tania said at 8:10 am on May 16th, 2012:

    Super cute Kristen. I have to admit, you had me going with the title of this one!! I think I remember meeting your friend when she was prego at the movies…

  2. 2 Nell said at 8:38 am on May 16th, 2012:

    Our third kid is wonderful and I’m glad we have him, but sometimes I do need another adult beverage when I realize that we’ll have a teenager in the house in a couple of years…and will have one in the house continuously until 2027, give or take.
    For no particular reason, I happened to ask our youngest (4) yesterday how he’d feel about a baby. He said “Oh, yes! A one-year-old that I can cuddle like this!” complete with adorable rocking motion.
    Then I posed the same question to the eldest (11). He didn’t even pause for breath. “No, thanks. Two was enough.”

  3. 3 kristen from motherload said at 9:36 pm on May 22nd, 2012:

    Yes, Tania–that was her! And Gray is to die for.

    Nell: I’m intrigued that you posed the question of another baby to your kids… What I’d like to hear is what your husband would say if you mentioned the idea to him! xoxo

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